Your Relationships - Women
Still A Taboo: Domestic Violence In The Church
by Heather Powers
For as long as I’ve been in the church, and as forward moving as the conversation seems to be about all kinds of other former taboos; spousal and child abuse is one of those dirty little secrets that seems to have remained couched beneath our Sunday morning smiles, our afterglow worship experiences and our various positions of church leadership.
Tragically, studies reveal that spousal abuse is just as common within the evangelical churches as anywhere else. This means that about 25 percent of Christian homes witness abuse of some kind. These numbers may shock you—and they certainly shocked me—so you may be wondering if the studies were done by secular researchers’ hostile to the church. I can assure you, sadly, they were not.
In most cases, victims are scared to death to go to a spiritual leader that hope would step in and say “no more” to the abuser. Unfortunately, statistics show that a good deal of the time, women who seek counsel and relief, are greeted with nothing more than “out of context spiritual prescriptions” which, in the end, seemingly make them, not the abuser, the responsible party left to correct the problem. Often they are told to go home and submit to their husbands. Some are told to “go home and engage in more sexual relations” and “that should alleviate his frustration towards her and consequently be able to deal with her more fairly”.
In a recent study, the survey conveys that nearly 6,000 pastors were asked how they would counsel women who came to them for help with domestic violence. Twenty-six percent would counsel them to continue to “submit” to her husband, no matter what. Twenty-five percent told wives the abuse was their own fault—for failing to submit in the first place. Astonishingly, Fifty percent said women should be willing to “tolerate some level of violence” because it is better than divorce. This survey is disheartening, to say the least.
Jesus was the biggest protector of women’s dignity throughout all of recorded history. So much so, that when he came across a group of Pharisees getting ready to stone a woman they found “in the act” with a man other than her husband, he lined them up and began to write in the sand. Perhaps he was writing the sins they had committed in secret and had gotten a “free pass” for. But he thoughtfully said to them, “Let him who is among you that is without sin….cast the first stone”. One by one, they walked away.
First of all, there is NEVER any reason that physically abusing a woman or a child is warranted…period.
As the body, we need to the take this issue as seriously as we take any other issue we consider of the utmost importance. (i.e. divorce, homosexuality, adultery, pastor’s falling from grace etc.)
The illness that leads to this kind of abusive behavior has roots that go back long before a hand is ever lifted or a degrading word is ever spoken. We need to look at this as a family illness. We need to call on the expertise of ones who have had experience dealing with the fallout it creates and the slow, steady road back to recovery for each member of the family.
God is in the business of doing the impossible; healing the sick, resurrecting things that are dead, trading beauty for ashes. Abuse requires a measure of all of these things and He desires nothing more than for us to live whole. Nothing has the hope of change until we step out of the boat, and let the light shine on those places. Those corner rooms of our hearts where we feel shame or fear of exposure. He bled for this. He knows the secret sorrows that we bear and loves us all the while.
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by Heather Powers
For as long as I’ve been in the church, and as forward moving as the conversation seems to be about all kinds of other former taboos; spousal and child abuse is one of those dirty little secrets that seems to have remained couched beneath our Sunday morning smiles, our afterglow worship experiences and our various positions of church leadership.
Tragically, studies reveal that spousal abuse is just as common within the evangelical churches as anywhere else. This means that about 25 percent of Christian homes witness abuse of some kind. These numbers may shock you—and they certainly shocked me—so you may be wondering if the studies were done by secular researchers’ hostile to the church. I can assure you, sadly, they were not.
In most cases, victims are scared to death to go to a spiritual leader that hope would step in and say “no more” to the abuser. Unfortunately, statistics show that a good deal of the time, women who seek counsel and relief, are greeted with nothing more than “out of context spiritual prescriptions” which, in the end, seemingly make them, not the abuser, the responsible party left to correct the problem. Often they are told to go home and submit to their husbands. Some are told to “go home and engage in more sexual relations” and “that should alleviate his frustration towards her and consequently be able to deal with her more fairly”.
In a recent study, the survey conveys that nearly 6,000 pastors were asked how they would counsel women who came to them for help with domestic violence. Twenty-six percent would counsel them to continue to “submit” to her husband, no matter what. Twenty-five percent told wives the abuse was their own fault—for failing to submit in the first place. Astonishingly, Fifty percent said women should be willing to “tolerate some level of violence” because it is better than divorce. This survey is disheartening, to say the least.
Jesus was the biggest protector of women’s dignity throughout all of recorded history. So much so, that when he came across a group of Pharisees getting ready to stone a woman they found “in the act” with a man other than her husband, he lined them up and began to write in the sand. Perhaps he was writing the sins they had committed in secret and had gotten a “free pass” for. But he thoughtfully said to them, “Let him who is among you that is without sin….cast the first stone”. One by one, they walked away.
First of all, there is NEVER any reason that physically abusing a woman or a child is warranted…period.
As the body, we need to the take this issue as seriously as we take any other issue we consider of the utmost importance. (i.e. divorce, homosexuality, adultery, pastor’s falling from grace etc.)
The illness that leads to this kind of abusive behavior has roots that go back long before a hand is ever lifted or a degrading word is ever spoken. We need to look at this as a family illness. We need to call on the expertise of ones who have had experience dealing with the fallout it creates and the slow, steady road back to recovery for each member of the family.
God is in the business of doing the impossible; healing the sick, resurrecting things that are dead, trading beauty for ashes. Abuse requires a measure of all of these things and He desires nothing more than for us to live whole. Nothing has the hope of change until we step out of the boat, and let the light shine on those places. Those corner rooms of our hearts where we feel shame or fear of exposure. He bled for this. He knows the secret sorrows that we bear and loves us all the while.
Back to E-zine Home
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