REAL ISSUES - Family Policy
Has Oprah Replaced Mothers?
Rhonda Robinson
Has Oprah replaced mothers?
When a daughter begins to have a family of her own, the role of motherhood transforms into something new. The new transformation into grandmother does not mean you stop being a mother, and turn into a fluffy old lady that gets to spoil the children and then send them home all hopped-up on diet Coke and Jolly Ranchers.
This concept, and image of the role of a grandmother, mixed with the ever popular jokes of the overbearing mother-in-law, is the current perception of the maternal grandmother. After all, if she has no real purpose in the life of her grandchildren, she reasons, what’s the point? After all, she raised her children, and it’s your turn to raise yours--right?
So why shouldn’t she move to Florida?
The answer is simple, but it is also a profound truth that we are missing in our modern society. This truth is that new mothers still need mothering. They need their own mothers or grandmothers to help them to transition into, and establish themselves in this most important phase of life. Our role of mother can now become that of a trusted friend and mentor.
Our love affair with individual freedom independence has been inappropriately been applied to family relationships. Family relationships are interdependent. We need each other, to barrow one another’s confidence, and strength. We do not have to sacrifice our individuality, or independent autonomy to be interdependent and draw from one another’s strengths and wisdom.
The breakdown of the family has been so severe, that when we think of strong families, we limit it to keeping a marriage together. Strong families help keep marriages together within the “extended” family.
Building strong families has to be done by building your family, your marriage, and then you can see clearly to support your daughters. This is not a new concept. The term family has only recently been whittled down to an ambiguous term meaning anything with at least one adult and child. God sees families as the group of generations still inhabiting His earth.
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Rhonda Robinson
Has Oprah replaced mothers?
When a daughter begins to have a family of her own, the role of motherhood transforms into something new. The new transformation into grandmother does not mean you stop being a mother, and turn into a fluffy old lady that gets to spoil the children and then send them home all hopped-up on diet Coke and Jolly Ranchers.
This concept, and image of the role of a grandmother, mixed with the ever popular jokes of the overbearing mother-in-law, is the current perception of the maternal grandmother. After all, if she has no real purpose in the life of her grandchildren, she reasons, what’s the point? After all, she raised her children, and it’s your turn to raise yours--right?
So why shouldn’t she move to Florida?
The answer is simple, but it is also a profound truth that we are missing in our modern society. This truth is that new mothers still need mothering. They need their own mothers or grandmothers to help them to transition into, and establish themselves in this most important phase of life. Our role of mother can now become that of a trusted friend and mentor.
Our love affair with individual freedom independence has been inappropriately been applied to family relationships. Family relationships are interdependent. We need each other, to barrow one another’s confidence, and strength. We do not have to sacrifice our individuality, or independent autonomy to be interdependent and draw from one another’s strengths and wisdom.
The breakdown of the family has been so severe, that when we think of strong families, we limit it to keeping a marriage together. Strong families help keep marriages together within the “extended” family.
Building strong families has to be done by building your family, your marriage, and then you can see clearly to support your daughters. This is not a new concept. The term family has only recently been whittled down to an ambiguous term meaning anything with at least one adult and child. God sees families as the group of generations still inhabiting His earth.
I have watched this simple truth play out in the lives of my adult girls over the last decade, as they have one by one stepped out of my home and into the world of wives and mothers. All independent and fairly headstrong young women, they are confident that they are ready to take their place in the world.
In reality, their confidence is not rooted in their own wisdom and knowledge of the adult world, it is in the assurance we are here to support them, in whatever life throws at them.
This truth became real to me in the tear streaked face of one of my girls as she was preparing to follow her husband in a move to another state. She was confident and excited that her husband had finally landed the job he wanted.
They found a darling beachfront cottage, after years of struggle to get through college, and start a family; everything seemed to fall into place. The night before she was to leave, she broke down and cried, “What am I going to do mom?”
I just smiled, held her in my arms and said, “You’re going to get a life. You don’t get to just sit home and talk on the phone with your sisters. You will find a church, join a MOPs group, and make new friends. You’re going to make a beautiful home on beach.” With tear filled eyes she said, “But I still need you.”
“I know, I need you too, but your husband and little girl need you to be the mom.”
“But what if the baby gets sick and I don’t know what to do?”
“You’ll know what to do. You are a good mother, follow your instincts… I will always be here if you need me. You’re my daughter, your strong, intelligent, I am confident you can do this.”
Young women, our daughters, demand their independence, then mature to see that they need interdependence. Something even Oprah can buy, or sell.
In reality, their confidence is not rooted in their own wisdom and knowledge of the adult world, it is in the assurance we are here to support them, in whatever life throws at them.
This truth became real to me in the tear streaked face of one of my girls as she was preparing to follow her husband in a move to another state. She was confident and excited that her husband had finally landed the job he wanted.
They found a darling beachfront cottage, after years of struggle to get through college, and start a family; everything seemed to fall into place. The night before she was to leave, she broke down and cried, “What am I going to do mom?”
I just smiled, held her in my arms and said, “You’re going to get a life. You don’t get to just sit home and talk on the phone with your sisters. You will find a church, join a MOPs group, and make new friends. You’re going to make a beautiful home on beach.” With tear filled eyes she said, “But I still need you.”
“I know, I need you too, but your husband and little girl need you to be the mom.”
“But what if the baby gets sick and I don’t know what to do?”
“You’ll know what to do. You are a good mother, follow your instincts… I will always be here if you need me. You’re my daughter, your strong, intelligent, I am confident you can do this.”
Young women, our daughters, demand their independence, then mature to see that they need interdependence. Something even Oprah can buy, or sell.
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